The Way I See It

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Jan 2, 2001

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April 6, 2001

April 6, 2001, more crap about Angie>>>

March, 2001
Saving the Best for Last?

"My Year" started out with a surprise. Angie (from Malaysia) and I had been talking and emailing for three years now and had been especially close during my stay at the NCO Academy. As I explained to her how I was going to spend 2001 concentrating on racing and building up to the Tour de Okinawa at the end of the year, and not depending on women...recapturing the magic in my life...she seemed proud of me...impressed. She was impressed by my attitude at the Academy and was my coach, my confidant.
But beneath my positive demeanor there was a skepticism. I didn't think there was anyone out there for me. I'd given up on finding a partner. Why waste life getting dumped on? Why bother? I'm better than that, I'm an incredible catch, and it's their loss. The quality of women is sad and people in general suck and aren't worth the shoes you kick them with. You can't trust anyone...to embrace another human being is to give them a chance to move that inevitable knife closer to the spot where they will shove it into your back and cut your heart out.
And Angie...she asked me about coming to see her again as we'd talked about countless times in the past. I told her,"Why bother? I'm not interested in yet another long-distance relationship," although we were never more than close friends anyway. She seemed upset. She told me she couldn't understand it but lately she was feeling a strange affection for me. It surprised me. She seemed different, sweeter...warmer. She told me she loved me.
I spent two days asking her to clarify what she really meant. I was startled. You talk to someone for years and you are buddies and then one day...I was flattered, happy, confused...what was I to do? How was I to feel? I was interested...it was Angie after all. If it had been anyone else I wouldn't have considered it. She'd been my best friend so many times, for so long and I jokingly called her 'Dr. Abdullah' because she always took painstaking efforts to listen and understand me when I was down and tell me how to transform my life. She obviously cared and I sometimes felt we were soul mates. But the thought of us 'together' seemed a long shot...she lived in Malaysia and I lived in Virginia.
She would send me such sweet emails I'd sit and read them over and over again. It was like a dream...I'd never heard her say she loved anyone, but...she loved me, and she knew me well enough and had been around enough to know what that meant. I didn't know what I felt but it was very nice. It was ironic that Angie, the person who told me I depended on women too much for happiness and to plan things without women in mind...as she helped me devise my devious plan...was about to betray her own advice.
In February 2001 she took a business trip to Florida. I asked if I could drive down and see her but she said no...she would be too busy and she wanted our first meeting to be special. I couldn't understand it...we'd never met, but...she sent lots of photos. This was my favorite.