January 1, 2003


On January 1, 2003, I was home alone. I phoned my friend, Hope, and we talked for hours about what had happened between Seko and I. I sat down on my computer and was going through some bookmarks, trying to clean up the clutter, when I finally found Seko's website. I'd been looking for it but when I saved it months earlier I did not name it. I clicked on it and the photo I saw was one of the most shocking of my life. She was in the arms of another man...I later discovered it was the guy whose mailbox she'd crashed into in August. She was wearing his wedding ring. She was to be married on January 9. My stomach dropped and I phoned Hope. I had a melt down over the phone, downing as much wine as I could handle, crying, was the worst day of my life. I drank until I couldn't stand anymore, until I ran out of people to phone, ran out of wine to drink. It took me 36 1/2 years to find Seko, and 3 1/2 months to lose her forever. I now had to fight to keep my sanity...I had to fight to find a reason to live. The sun set, darkness came, and in my silent house I fell asleep face-down in the hallway, crying until I couldn't cry anymore while Gizmo, my best friend, lying silently by my side gently licked my tears.

Holy Child
My love set apart
Deep is the river
That leads from my heart
Of our days together
We were set apart from the rest

You have departed my arms
And took the sunrise in your smile
The wind in your fingers
The stars in your eyes
Had I cultivated our world
The daisies I behold 
In a shower of tears
Would bloom to our new love

Now my life is a symphony 
That's missing a string
And the music you gave
Is now the sound of my heart

Holy Child
I miss the days of beauty you gave
Now with you gone
My soul, I have to save 
Farewell, my love>>>