Jan 22, 1998
We knew we'd have some chems thrown at us but we all just hoped we didn't get caught outside during a simulated attack.
Later that morning I left my building to transmit a message, they pulled
a condition black (simulated chemical attack), and I ended up sitting around on the ground
for almost an hour with all my chem gear on, stuck inside. I put my mask on too fast, and
it was so fogged up I couldn't see. It was like a face-mounted sauna.
On January 22, I left my office for the day. I was half way home when we were (simulated) attacked again! That was the third time in two days for me. I ran for a day care center entrance, donned my ugly mask again, and sat there behind a concrete wall (for protection) with two strangers. I was able to see though. Then an exercise evaluator walked up and asked,"Who wants to be a patient?" The other two pointed at me, and the evaluator took me away.
He tore off a piece of paper and said,"You were riding in the back of a truck when a cluster bomb went off, throwing you from the truck and fracturing your femur." I had to lie on the ground and pretend I was badly injured. Imagine if YOU had to put up with this on the way home from work! After 15 minutes of yelling for help and talking to the evaluator who kept saying,"I can't help you, I'm invisible", six people in full chemical protective gear ran over, picked me up on a stretcher, and dragged me into a hospital garage while tearing off my chemical gear. Suddenly one guy ripped open my flak vest and yelled,"CLEAR!" and all these funny looking people dove behind concrete barriers like frightened little green Ewoks. Then he grabbed me by the vest and yelled at me,"WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS?!!!" I couldn't see (gas mask, y' know?) and I said,"er,uh, flak vest?" Shaking me he yelled again "Is this a bomb?!"
Dazed I thought,"Uh, buddy, if I was hurting as badly as I'm supposed to be you'd have had a boot to the groin a long time ago". I said,"Uh, chapstick?"
So I was run into the emergency room and they did all these crazy things to me. I made stupid jokes(when they weren't carrying me...I'm not that stupid). They kept slapping stickers and tags on me like some Smithfield Ham experiment. Looking at all the bright lights and freaks in their gas masks, I asked them if I was in a bad Martian abduction movie. After almost two hours, I was released, with all those tags and stickers stuck on my beautiful, unblemished body. I told them to leave them on--I wanted the world to see what they'd done to me.