| On Valentines day I sent Ha flowers, with a
poem (my first serious one) I'd written in a separate card. She'd disappeared for two days again
and I was very upset because I'd started to fear having my
heart broken. Surely she'd received the flowers...? Along with the butterflies and feelings of love I hadn't felt in ten years was that sinking feeling of being led along by someone I staked my waking and sleeping on. Miimii appeared online for the first time in two months to chat, and she told me her best friend was returning to Japan. I was upset, sad, scared, telling her about Ha and wondering where she was. As this was going on suddenly Ha showed up online. I immediately blew off Miimii, and Miimii got very upset. She sent me a few mean emails to which I responded,"You messed up my life long enough. I'm not letting you mess this up" and then I cut her off.|
In contrast, Ha seemed surprised about the flowers, almost giddy, and very sweet. She sent kisses, a really cute animated Valentine, and was like a baby in my arms. Of course, this was on a computer, but I was going through a second adolescence. For the next month Ha and I seemed very close, but there were things said that made me feel uneasy.
On February 28th she asked me to phone her from Korea. We talked and laughed for six
|hours. We sang to each other. While we were
talking, she received my letter with another poem I'd written for her . Everything I wrote at this time was for her and she even wrote a poem for me.I'd sent her a lock of my hair, which at the time was a healthy blonde, and when she opened the card she
screamed,"ahhh...you sent me your hair?!" She liked it. I put red ink on my lips and kissed every letter I wrote to
her (I was too proud to buy lipstick). I was soooo smitten--it's almost embarrassing now. Actually, yes, it is quite embarrassing.|
I didn't want to make expectations on our visit and besides, I didn't want to mess up a beautiful thing by moving too fast. I'm a bit old fashioned. I skirted issues and told her I loved her too much to spoil a potentially beautiful relationship by rushing into things. I told her I was worth waiting for. It's hard to know what is really going on from 7000 miles away. I'm sure she was thinking the same thing when I sent her this picture of me in my Halloween garb. I can just see her, staring into Christopher Plummer's eyes and longingly saying,"Somewhere in Korea there is a gentleman who will never be a nun". That's my take on it.
|The next day I sent her a beautiful email and she answered me with an email that said,"That is sooo sweeeeeet!!!" She'd melted, or at least I thought so. Then, I phoned her and we talked another 5 1/2 hours until the Osan Airbase operator cut us off. I began writing poetry a few times a week and sending it to her and she'd tell me what she thought. Co-workers asked me why I seemed so happy and I didn't realize it was showing, but I was feeling it. I never knew I could feel that way about someone.|