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Essen Sie den Hund
(Let's Eat the Dog)
Well it’s Christmas time in Germany Our favorite time of the year We’ll tensile the tree with sauerkraut And fill bubble lamps with beer But this past year has been quite a bummer Our pockets and coverts are bare There’s drool all over our carpet Yet it helps to control the dog hair The children are feeling quite famished And the Christmas tree is, well…firewood Would they notice if Clover had vanished? What is Christmas after all…without food? So…let’s eat the dog for Christmas We'll make her play dead for real We’ll Shake & Bake Clover And when she rolls over We’ll have us a Christmas meal I’m sure we’ll all be thinking of her Each time we hear our stomachs growl So let’s eat the dog for Christmas And next year we’ll go back to fowl Let’s eat the dog for Christmas We'll teach her to fetch on the grill And when it's intense Her invisible fence Will cause her to sit and stay still I’m sure she will be quite delicious Just add A-1 to canine and “Wow!” Let’s eat the dog for Christmas With a tennis ball stuck in her mouth Let's eat the dog for Christmas We'll tell friends she fell down the stairs No need for regretting Because I am betting She's outlived us all in dog years Now if we were North Korean We'd all have to settle for grass So let's eat the dog for Christmas And belch dog at Christmas Day Mass Let’s eat the dog for Christmas We'll salivate when we hear bells We’ll slice, dice and pepper Our pet German Sheppard She’s family but…what the hell? When Santa Clause slides down the chimney We’ll say,” Try this…it tastes like Reindeer” We’ll eat the dog for Christmas And dog sandwiches ‘till the New Year… Now…the children are nestled all snug in their beds With visions of puppies (but their dog is dead) And Ma in her kerchief, and I in my cap Will silently wonder, ”What would go good with cat?” ‘Cause look…once we thought we were starving And now here’s a feast we are carving Now ain’t that a switch? Sometimes life is a bitch And life tastes real, real good!

December 24,
Copyright ©2001 Michael Paul