He two-stepped his way on into my thoughts,
And with a wink, he showed me that he cared,
But when I blew a kiss...back at J.C.,
The force knocked him clean off of his chair,
Now Priscilla saw this, and she kept calm and cool,
But slowly, she raised up a brow,
Then she pointed and said in a quite forceful voice,
"James, you get your ass over here now!!!"

He's had more parts replaced than the Clinton cabinet,
If hair were people, well then he'd be Wyoming,
When the going gets tough...the tough get some sleep,
But come on, slumped over his chair, mouth open, foaming?
As Amanda K. gives him his wake-up call,
" Morning J.C...hun, it's time for work"
Half asleep he barks back, thinking it's L.T. Schmack,
and says "Leave me alone, f-ing jerk!"

Yeah, J.C. is the man with the twinkle in his eye,
Yeah the man who has the golden heart,

When his hip got replaced, he couldn't type for a week,
With his shoulder, he could barely walk,
Now if only he had a vasectomy,
Then we wouldn't have to hear J.C. talk
And J.C. Collins is the finest historian,
Or for him it's his biography,
Heck, as long as J. C.'s been around...
He's got him more rings than most trees!

His young brother Daryl says that when they grew up,
Old J.C. never did quite fit in,
No he wasn't the coolest of Collins',
Never looked much like his next of kin,
Could it be that J.C. was adopted?
Well, on second thought, I shouldn't say,
See, I might have to see him this summer,
And if he catches me, I'll have to pay

So I hope that you're not disappointed,
I admit this is quite "off the wall"
But then what'd you expect, to come from the brain,
Of the nut Michael W. Paul?
And I'm sorry I didn't say something nice,
like "I love you" or "you're quite a guy"
But then what if Priscilla should read this?
So we'll keep it between you and I