February 16, 2002
On Top of Germany
(almost)

The car was packed elbow-to-elbow with smelly skiers and I was pinned against a window, sweating and praying all the way up. For a guy who is afraid of heights, small spaces, and has a larger than normal personal space, I really need to pick different vacation spots. You couldn't swing a dead fish without hitting someone who smelled like a dead fish. I looked out the window a few times but started feeling weak and closed my eyes again. Once to the top I walked up to the observation platform which is about three meters below the actual summit. Unfortunately the path to the summit was covered in four feet of snow and closed. I could have jumped the gate but I would have been climbing on sneakers, without gloves and a slip would have sent me off the edge of the mountain, which was a straight drop that would've meant certain death, especially after the fuel residue caused me to explode on impact.

On Zugspitz you straddle Austria and can also see Italy and Switzerland. I was never in Italy, but I did see Italy. It's white. Before me were hundreds of snow-covered peaks and the sun was perfect. The Neuschwanstein Castle was just 19 miles northwest of the summit. Now THIS is the most beautiful scenery I’ve seen in Europe. It’s strange to think I pedaled my bicycle to an altitude 4400 feet higher than this last July.

I was the only person on the cable car ride down. Descending was much easier than ascending. I walked around the car and looked out the windows without fear. I was going to live! At the bottom, a crowd had gathered near Lake Eibsee because a man who'd apparently been staying in one of the lodges next to the lake decided to walk out of his room naked. It was a big crowd pleaser, and people were calling each other over to see. I'm not sure he knew he was being watched, but it was a big deal to the tourists.

Then I lept through the air, did a triple somersault through the windshield, landed in the driver’s seat and blasted out of Eibsee at 26,822 millimeters per second on my way to Ulm. Along the way I passed the Ettal Monastery, which was part of a Bavarian Castle tour package I’d passed up this weekend in favor of doing it all on my own. I did it my way, just as Elvis sang a few days before he was found dead on the toilet. I was in good company. The monastery didn’t look like much so I flew by. I'd seen the world's fastest airliner, the location of what was likely the world's most famous movie, the tallest mountain in Germany, the world's worst dressed man, and was now on my way to see the world's tallest church.