In July I took a vacation for seko and I to spend time together. Although we did have a great time, spending 24 hours a day together was a little tiring. We each had our own household...when she was living in my house none of her chores got done and when I was staying at her apartment none of my chores got done. There were things developing with me that were making me tired. First of all...work! My night shifts had me strung out on caffeine in the worst way, having to take pills in the day just to stay alert. seko had an extremely light schedule, never working more than 20 hours a week and during the summer she rarely worked at all...just practiced two hours a day in her apartment...so it was difficult for her to relate.I'd started to buy rental property...something I'd never done before. It was a huge risk and I'd been working a deal all summer...nervous about its success. After all...what if seko and I married? I needed to be responsible with my money. And I was concerned that seko and I hadn't come to a common ground with our religious beliefs. I wanted to tell her about Jesus Christ, to share my joy. Sometimes she was sad and I wanted her to be happy...she'd had problems with depression and bad relationships in the past and I cared deeply for her. Her grandmother, who'd just died before we met in April, was a Christian and she adored her grandmother, but she didn't seem very receptive to the exclusive message of Christianity. Discussions usually deteriorated into arguments. Once again...if we were to be married, we'd have to be on common ground.
My new super bicycle wasn't working well. When I tried a high-speed burst my handlebars would tighten and the bicycle would become dangerously difficult to steer. My work schedule had made it very hard to train, having a girlfriend (although much more fun than riding a bicycle) took up much of the rest of the time, and then when I did ride, I could barely do any speed training. It was frustrating and the local bicycle shop worked on it many times with no success. seko had said many times she wanted to see me race but at this point I could barely train.
It was all too much too soon...I felt as if I was already married and we'd only known each other 2 1/2 months. I had absolutely no intention of leaving seko...I was crazy about her and we were both devoted to a long-term relationship together. But we needed an adjustment. I asked her for patience...I'd been alone most of my life and needed patience.
seko, on the other hand, told me over and over again how happy she was since she met me, how emotional she was when she'd see me online and how she wished she'd met me three years earlier. Me too! Up until now my life had seemed a waste. But she saw I was tired.
On July 12, we went to a Monkees concert in Williamsburg and the next day we drove to Washington D.C. with no specific plans. We ended up doing what I like to call the parade of churches. We visited the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, the National Cathedral, and the huge Mormon Temple. I was fatigued during most of the trip and to make things worse, we visited some of the same areas I'd been to with Ha four years earlier. I remembered how fun that was then and wished seko and I could go back to the way we were when we met. The spark had gone and I got depressed but never told seko why. I had absolutely no problem with seko at all...she was everything I ever wanted. What was wrong with me? I didn't know...but it seemed our relationship had become very heavy.
