Lift Me Up
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October 12, 1999

Tears that flowed from your cheeks were love welled in your eyes
>>> A bit dazed, Cathy and I kept emailing, phoning, and sending messages. Two weeks later we got together again and it was nice. So nice to be held. She really cherished me. She told me the first thing she noticed about me when she saw me was I had beautiful hands. That touched me so much.
I took these pictures just before I drove her home on October 12. She was so shy as you can see, and we used to smile and laugh at each other a lot. We were always silly when we were together. We always made each other feel wanted and appreciated. When we were together we lifted each other up.

I was still torn though. I loved being with her but I didn't think I could love her. Something didn't seem right--we were so different. I didn't think we could be a pair. And so, despite what had gone on between us I told her I loved being with her but I didn't think it would work. Someone else could make her more happy than I could. I didn't feel intimately connected and I was feeling guilty about using someone I didn't plan on being with. I made a strategic withdrawal for us.

Cathy had been communicating with a guy on the internet named Andy, and he was going to come down from Boston to see her in November. I was happy for her. I kept talking to her and encouraging her, and also her that if it doesn't work with him it's not because she isn't desireable. We'd planned to get together one more time, but she said since she was seeing Andy she didn't feel right seeing me. I agreed and I told her,"Somehow I feel I'm going to regret letting you go so easily".

Now her touch and her smile are no longer in sight  >>>   But my mind soon discovers the source of my pain >>> And I look in my heart unafraid of the light >>>   A flower lifting his head asking 'where is the rain?'  >>>